I've shared one IUI experience previously (over here) and this time I'd like to talk about my IVF story. It's not meant to be a blueprint for your own procedure. Rather, I'm hoping that my perspective can help to alleviate some of your fears. When I was first introduced to the idea of IVF, I found it incredibly intimidating; everything seemed so high tech & complicated and fraught with anxieties, worries and fears. And from reading other people's experiences, I also felt like it was a tremendous hurdle to get through. Those stories certainly did not increase my confidence. That said, once I did go through it, I realised that it was not as unsurmountable as I originally imagined*. What I want to do here is to present IVF as something very simple and straightforward. And I'm really referring to the technical stuff, not the emotional roller coaster one may go through. You will also notice that this story reads very differently from my IUI experience. I'm not as obsessed with pinpointing all the exact cycle days, testing and medications. The reason is simple: I've become a different person. The biggest shift was my ability to let go and trust. This was definitely the secret sauce I needed.
Injections: You would think that with all the bloodwork and acupuncture I had going on, that I would be used to feeling needles piercing my skin. But there is something quite unnerving about having to do this yourself. My survival instinct would always kick in for a split second to tell me this is not a good idea. And then I would simply inhale deeply and inject on the exhale. Done. At the beginning, I tried to build a whole ritual around my injection time and to also numb the area with ice beforehand. But I found this too time-consuming: I just wanted to get it done and move on with my evening. What I did find helpful however was to rest in bed for about 30 minutes afterwards. The yoga teacher in me would suggest doing a visualisation or a body scan meditation during that time. But in truth, I just read webcomics and it was perfect. I had no side effects from any of the medications.
Egg retrieval: The fertility doctor mentioned during our prep meeting that I could feel something during the procedure despite the anesthetic. Well, that’s not a reassuring way to start. What I felt in the end? It’s hard to describe but to me it felt like an internal massage for about half a minute until I fell completely asleep. I woke up a little drowsy & bloated but had no complications from the surgery. The drowsiness lasted a day (it went away after a good night of sleep) and the bloating lasted about three days.
Embryo transfer: Believe it or not, I consider embryo transfers to be a whole lot more uncomfortable than an egg retrieval. Why? Because it requires a full bladder. In terms of how it feels, it’s very similar to a sono or an IUI. The only difference is, there’s a monitor and you get to see the firework that happens when the embryo is inserted. Tada! But honestly after a few transfers the novelty wore off for me and I just wanted to run to the washroom as quickly as possible. (Pro-tip: You don’t actually need to drink 1L of water an hour before the appointment time. One nurse told me 500mL was sufficient and it definitely felt better. At my clinic anyway, they never started the procedure at the exact appointment time.) I never had any side effects/complications from my embryo transfers.
Here are three things I would advise & reaffirm to my past (and future) self regarding IVF:
(1) Start consulting a pelvic floor physiotherapist prior to undergoing IVF (or fertility treatment in general). This will help tremendously with learning to relax the muscles of the pelvic floor during transfers.
(2) Don’t expect problems and you will not have any. Trust in the process.
(3) Let the clinic take care of the science. Just follow the instructions on a day-to-day basis. No need to chart, measure, check for results or compare them with others. Again, trust in the process.
*I sound very blasé about the whole thing but it took a long time to get to this place. For me, fertility treatment is very similar to training for a marathon. I really needed to build up the endurance and resilience (mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually) to make the race. Had I gone into IVF straight from the get-go after my initial month of testing, I don’t think I would have been able to cope with the intensity of the experience. (And as we know, stress has a tremendously negative impact on the reproductive system.) It took me about 2 years to rewrite the internal discourse about my worth & value, and to begin excavating the deep layers of family shadows. I didn’t think the latter mattered when I first started. In fact, whenever I came across a self-help book that focused on the psychological aspect of fertility, I would roll my eyes. What did birthing a baby have anything to do with my traumas? Everything. The science of IVF was the easy part, the challenge was my self-sabotage.
🌒 ♈
IVF Funding Resources for Canadians:
Government of Canada
Fertility Friends Foundation
Fertility Matters Canada
Generations of Hope
The Modern Miracle Foundation
Video tutorials for injections:
Momentum (requires DIN)
Freedom MedTEACH (scroll down for more videos)